Crazy Train?

As I ran the vacuum over the living room rug attempting to suck up the week's accumulation of dog and cat hair, I thought about what Kiara had said about dwelling on dark and evil things. I must try not to focus too much on the dark. I could be leaving "doors" open that give a passage way for evil to come and taunt me. Or, if Kiara and I are indeed creating this shadow ourselves, give it strength by occupying all my spare thoughts to its presence.

I need to gain control over myself. Focus, again my weakness, on what is good (God), and not dwell on what is not. If I am in control of my spiritual self, the evil, or demons, might as well say it, will find it near impossible to get to me. But if they see that there are areas where I'm not in control, they could take advantage of that and worm their way in. Fear creates fear and that's what dark energy feeds upon, or so my mother says. I must always embrace God's love in order to stay strong and remain protected.

I seem to be becoming a woman obsessed. Did I actually see the shadow, or did I imagine I saw the shadow, hoping in a way that I had? Am I seeing things in reality or in my mind's eye?

Now, that's just crazy talk, Rihanna. Stop it! Don't go all "Girl, Interrupted!"

I pushed and pulled the vacuum faster as I delved further into my thoughts. Maybe my lack of sleep is causing me to perceive shadows and wailing sirens as ominous. My doctor had taken me off my Ambien because my body had become too accustomed to its effects. Ambien is a "hypnotic" drug, and can sometimes cause hallucinations and intense dreams. Yet, I never really experienced any of those symptoms while taking it. I said and did a few things I don't remember, much to the chagrin of my husband Rico! But I never hallucinated. I just never got a full, restful night's sleep. I was consistently sleep deprived.

Now I take a sedative. I have been on this medication for a week now and I have noticed an uptick in the intensity of my dreams. They are vibrant, loud, action filled and sometimes horrific. I should awake tired and listless; however, I feel more rested in the three years since I had been taking the Ambien. I'm still tired, and feel a little sleep deprived, but I'm not so tired during the day anymore.

Barely satisfied with the vacuuming job, I figured I had picked up what pet hair I could and switched of the vacuum. I unplugged the cord and rolled it up and around the vacuum until it was tight. I then pushed it to the closet at the end of the hall. As I shoved the vacuum in and closed the closet door, I heard my name "Rihanna" sighed softly against my ear. A gentle chorus of voices , but discordant in tone. The hair rose on the back of my neck and arms. 

Suddenly frightened, I panicked and ran into my bedroom, closed the door and fell on my knees and began reciting the Lord's prayer over and over. I must have repeated it ten times before my heart finally slowed. I looked up. I felt them watching me from the shadows of the corners of my bedroom. I felt them listening from the other side of the closed door. I couldn't physically see anything, but in my head, I saw shadows gathering. They were attacking my weakness; my lack of focus on what is good, and I truly began to fear. 

Am I going insane, or is this really happening?