Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Am I seeing shadows or am I just crazy?

Kiara's phone rang a few times. I knew she was holding out, listening to my theme song-"Superfreak". Not sure why she made the connection between that song and me, but I dig it.

Finally, "Hello, Rihanna, just thinking about you."

"I just wanted to check in with you. Seems we've both been having the willies lately; I think a new word would be apropos about now. Don't you? I figured we needed to speak about the out of the ordinary occurrences we've both experienced recently."

"I don't know what the deal is, really." Kiara said. "Maybe I have been alone at the house too long. Seeing things that aren't really there. I have been praying everyday, and I know when I sit outside for my "Jesus time", I always feel a lot better."

I said, "Do you remember when we were rooming with Robin and you ran up to my room one night to ask if I was ok and I told you about the shadow at the end of my bed? I think that whatever visited me that night might be back."

Kiara was silent for a moment, then she said, "Yes, I remember. It was the same presence that visited me when I lived behind the K-Mart. The one I think I saw last night."

I explained what I felt and saw the night before in my vision and then told her about my research.

"I believe we are dealing with a dark figure that may not be a stranger to us. We all have a dark side. As you slipped from my grasp, I felt, I don't know, evil or treachery. I confess that I was disturbed and frightened, but also excited that a new experience may be awaiting us."

Kiara was silent. I assumed she was listening to my amateur hypotheses.

"If we accept the theory that a shadow in dreams represents that a person is having dark thoughts and doesn't know which path to take, the good or the bad, then maybe both of us are projecting the shadow together, through our connection as twins.  This shadow may represent a negative thing in your life or in the life of me"

I continued, "You have had a tough few years since Steve's death. Now, you are alone because the kids are in college and you stand at a crossroads. Which path should you take...what paths are out there for you to take? For a moment in time, you were obsessed with what to do with yourself."

"I, on the other hand, have been very possessive of what I have since Steve's death. A husband, three teenagers; what most would consider a "whole" home. The full meal deal, so to speak. In a way, I have been obsessed with the possibility of suddenly losing what I care for just like you did."

Gamely, I soldiered on. "I think the shadow could be truly something evil and attempting to break into our world. I mean, not "our world" in the sense of the world of everyone, but our own personal, familial world. On the other hand, it may be a dark representation of our personalities, or psyches, and because of our strong bond, we are giving our inner darkness life."

I heard a voice last night. It was just a whisper, but I knew it wasn't natural. Am I going crazy? Yesterday morning, I actually felt connected to something bigger than myself, something GOOD. Now, I feel the link to that something GOOD, has weakened and something else is reaching out to me."

"Rihanna, sometimes we are the ones that pull the darkness to us, even when we aren't trying to do that. Dwelling on dark things and evil, consciously thinking about these things, opens up a door for that to actually come through."

I think about this statement as I get up from the table, phone between my ear and shoulder. I walk over to the sink. As I begin washing the leftover breakfast dishes, diligently scrubbing the encrusted peanut butter off Carmen's bowl, I realize the Kiara has a point. The more I dwell on the possibility that something may be stalking us, the more likely the possibility may turn into a reality. Our junior high coaches used to tell us to visualize ourselves serving the volleyball over the net and it will happen. What if visualizing something evil makes the evil "happen"?

The scarier thought, though, was if Kiara and I were giving life to something dark.

I wash the last dish, place it on the cup towel to dry and turn off the water. I pace into the hallway, this idea weighing heavy, and look directly into the hallway mirror.

"I saw a shadow in my hall mirror last night. Do you think that was my imagination? It occurred right before my vision of you."

I could hear Kiara moving around the house. I heard the door open, and then birds chirping. "Hey, Hank," she whispered before she answered me.

"Like I said before, dwelling on something has a tendency to give that something strength. I know we both have been thinking, and feeling, lately that something is just not right." Kiara said.

"Every morning I sit out here on the porch and pray, and thank God for what I've got. I ask for blessings and safe keeping for me and my family. Every night I pray before I go to sleep and ask for God to protect my house and my family. Every time I do that I feel safe. My house is safe."

"I like to tell myself that. Last night I was freaked out, and I'm not too sure I would know what to do if it had come at me."

She sighed before continuing, "Ever since I went to Mrs. Ida's house, I have felt as if something followed me home. That is one creepy place. There is a true darkness there, outside in the woods, that is slowly engulfing her house."

I heard an awful racket on my front porch coming from my cats. I told Kiara to wait a minute, and I went to check out the problem. Fortunately, it was just another cat. A stray, one I had never noticed before. If Willard wouldn't have been laid up with a bum leg, he would have run him off. However, there was something a little strange about the cat. He looked at me with intelligence behind his green eyes. I threw a rock at him and he ran off.

"For now, while the sun is out and the weather is cool, I'm going to busy myself with mundane activities like vacuuming and dusting. Thanks for talking this out with me and let me know if you experience anything else odd." I hit "end call" and went to grab my vacuum. What better way to clear my head of cobwebs and thoughts of shadows.

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