Truly, I say, there are secrets in shadows

I floated above my doppelganger, hovering just a foot away from Ms. Ida. Being incorporeal, I would periodically wave as if blown by a breeze, much like a flag held high in a child's hand during a 4th of July parade. So when Ms. Ida looked my way, I was startled because it seemed like she could see me. She dipped her head, nodding slightly, and looked up with just her eyes. Her gaze pierced me like a pin would pierce a moth onto an insect display. The gaze was brief, I'm not sure if Kiara, who was studying Rihanna's reaction to Ms. Ida's handshake very closely, even noticed. The moment passed and we were ushered into the house.

The house was laid out as you'd expect. A welcoming entryway led to a cozy den and ended in a bright kitchen nestled into the back of the house. The far side of the kitchen was made up of  what could only be described as a wall of windows broken only by a door which led to the backyard. Ms. Ida offered chocolate chip cookies which Meanie Me exclaimed were her favorite. Chocolate chip! I'd take a snickerdoodle over chocolate chip any day.

The three sat at a large round table while I scanned the room, looking for any signs of drifting fog. The fog had thickened while we stood outside on the porch, growing dark and ominous. I could see it in the distance wrapped around the bottoms of the trees, worming its way through Ms. Ida's backyard, stopping a few feet away from the bushes protecting the house's backside. The kitchen seemed so bright and cheerful; however, that I couldn't fathom the fog daring to seep through any crack an old Victorian house might possess. I turned my attention back to the group at the table and quickly learned that Ms. Ida was the type of lady that gets straight to the point.

I had noticed that Meanie Me's mood had shifted with the fog, becoming, if possible, even more distant and cold. Her comments to Ms. Ida were snide and waspish and as she listened to Ms. Ida's advice, her expression clouded over.

Ms. Ida lectured her on secrets and shadows and the importance of faith, hope and love. She warned Rihanna that by trusting in the empty secrets of shadows, she could ultimately lose her soul.


"Push back the darkness, Rihanna," Ms. Ida exclaimed. "Allow the light of God's Glory to shine through and break the hold this shadow seems to have over you or you may well remain separated from the integral part of yourself that makes you a caring and compassionate human being."

"Caring and compassionate," snorted Rihanna. "You mean dull and boring. I do not look toward the shadows for fulfillment of any kind. I look to them for release. Release from the mundane. Release from responsibility. Release from the need of others who are constantly asking me to do something or to be someone they want me to be. The shadows offer me freedom from these things."

I rolled my eyes. Not only was Rihanna growing meaner, she was also a big whiner. I had, though, been thinking these very same thoughts over the last few weeks. I needed to get Meanie Me's attention fast. Instinctively, I knew that the longer we remained two separate parts, the harder it would be to put us back together. Ms. Ida's advice only seemed to make Rihanna less responsive to a reunion, so I had to act fast.

Also, as Rihanna's temper worsened, I noticed the fog bank grew. It had made its way across the yard and was now creeping through the bushes to reach the house. So, Rihanna and the fog were connected. I could only assume the shadow both Kiara and I had witnessed over the last two days was also connected to the fog. But how did Ms. Ida play into this and why was the fog around her house and not Kiara's?

Suddenly, Kiara grabbed Rihanna's hands. "Listen to me you twit! I love you, your kids love you, Rico loves you and The Mother loves you. Get over yourself. The only way to find fulfillment in this life is through trusting in God. You know that."

Kiara's grip appeared to shoot through Rihanna like a bolt of electricity. Rihanna's eyes bulged and she jumped, knees hitting the table with such force that the plate of cookies were knocked to the floor.

Rihanna panicked and screamed, "Let go of me!" I could hear the fear in her voice. Kiara kept her grip on Rihanna's hands, holding tight. Her eyes bored into Rihanna's.

"I will not let go, ever. This dark side of you is weak. It cannot bear the pressure of life because it is basically already soulless. This freedom you seek through the shadow is only fleeting. At some point, you will have to pay a price. Again, listen to me! Put yourself back together before it is too late. You're not humpty dumpty, I know you can do it!"

My thoughts started to spin and I felt a pull, like a vacuum. Rihanna was now in full panic mode struggling with Kiara to release her hands. The pull grew and my world began to whirl downward. Wall, window, cabinet...wall, window, cabinet....round and round I went. Rihanna screamed louder, pleading with Kiara to let go of her hands. From somewhere a mumbling sound broke through the racket, but I couldn't pinpoint the source. I was very dizzy; the twisting downward plunge reeking havoc on my senses.

Kiara entreating, Rihanna screaming and the mumbling noise twirled around with the wall, windows, cabinet until...silence.

I opened my eyes and looked straight up into Ms. Ida's steely gaze. Where once I saw kindness, now I saw only malice.

There Are Secrets in the Fog

I couldn't help but smile at Ms. Ida. Straight to the point, no chit chat. I liked that about her. I wasn't one for much chit chat either.

I gave Rihanna a quelling look and stepped out of the truck. Rihanna smiled sweetly back at me and slammed the door as she got out.

"Good morning, Ms. Ida. I hope you don't mind, but I brought my sister along with me." I waved in Rihanna's general direction as we both made our way to the front porch.

Ms. Ida met us at the bottom of the stairs. She gazed up at Rihanna, a slight frown on her face. Then, she looked at me.

"Twins, I see. Identical." She stuck her hand out towards Rihanna, "I'm Ida Pendleton. You can call me Ms. Ida."

Rihanna hesitated for a split second, then took Ms. Ida's hand. "Nice to meet you. My name is Rihanna."
They stared at each other for what felt like an hour, but was probably only a few seconds. They held hands for a wee bit longer. When they finally let go of each other, Rihanna seemed nervous.

Ms. Ida looked back at me. She had a thoughtful expression on her face. "Kiara, I'm sure you have a wonderful plan to get my yard back into shape, just let me know when you want to start, and how many strange men I should be expecting to invade my yard."

She dipped her head quickly, as if agreeing to something. "Well, with that business out of the way, why don't the two of you come inside. It seems we may have a few other things to talk about."

Ms. Ida looked at Rihanna. Her thin lips were pressed into a smile, which gave her the air of a nun in charge of a school for recalcitrant girls.

She turned and walked back up the steps and into the house. The screen door banged behind her. I looked over at Rihanna, who seemed rooted to the step. "Well," I said, "let's get on in there. You should be just bursting at the seems with curiosity about what she has to say."

Rihanna didn't look at me, but continued to stare at the screen door. "Curiosity is not the adjective I would have picked to tell how I feel at this very moment, sissy."

Rihanna smiled then, and turned to me. She had what could only be described as a devilish grin on her face. It made my skin crawl.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see wisps of black smoke beginning to crowd around the front porch. Rihanna saw it too. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. "Ah, sissy, doesn't the air smell wonderful!"

"Not really," I said. I walked up the stairs and opened the screen door, motioning for Rihanna to enter before me. It gave me time to look around the porch. The black fog seemed to be growing darker and more dense.

As if in reaction to it, Rihanna seemed as if she was getting colder and more calculating.

The inside of Ms. Ida's house was tastefully furnished and could have been taken directly out of the pages of Southern Home and Garden Magazine. It was bright, and airy, and cheerful.

I led Rihanna through the den to the back of the house to the kitchen, where I knew Ms. Ida would be waiting. She did all her entertaining in the kitchen. Secretly, I rubbed my hands together, wondering what kind of treats she would have for us.

"Chocolate chip cookies!" Rihanna said, "those have always been my favorite!" Rihanna clapped her hands like an excited little girl. I tried to keep my expression neutral. Chocolate chip had never been Rihanna's favorite.

"Thank you, Ms. Ida." I said as I took a couple of cookies and sat down at her big, thick-wooded table.

The table was a family heirloom, having been passed down multiple generations. It was round, and I could just imagine King Arthur talking to his knights around a table like that on some cold, gray wintry day.

"Please, sit down Rihanna." Ms. Ida said. As Rihanna took a seat, Ms. Ida brought over iced tea in beautiful cut crystal glasses. It looked delicious in those glasses.

"Got these as a wedding present." Ms. Ida said as she took a chair for herself. "I have used them rarely, so I thought it would be fun to use them today."

"Ms. Ida, you have a wonderful home." Rihanna said, "It's so big. I bet it gets lonely here at night."

"Rihanna!" I said.

Ms. Ida looked at me with a patient smile. "It's OK, Kiara. Your sister is entitled to her opinion."

Ms. Ida turned to face Rihanna, "Young lady, I am going to give you a piece of advice. You can take it or leave it."

Rihanna smiled and straightened up at the table. She was all eyes for Ms. Ida. "Yes, ma'am, I'm listening."

"Shadows offer nothing but empty secrets. There is no excitement, and there is no love."

Rihanna's eyes hardened, "I'm not looking for love, Ms. Ida."

Ms. Ida ignored the comment, and continued, "So these three things continue forever: faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love."

I could see gray storm clouds brewing over Rihanna's head. Ms. Ida seemed unaware of the coming thunderstorm.

"Look to these three things for fulfillment, and not at the darkness. Because, if you continue to allow yourself to be fulfilled by darkness, you will not only lose your mortal life, but quite possibly your soul."

Bumpy Ride

The old pick up trundled, rattled and bucked down the pitted country road. With each pothole, each jarring dip, her anxiety mounted.  She had been feeling incomplete since she awoke this morning; the reason why, she didn't want to consider at the moment. Plus, something about this trip to Ms. Ida's house had her on edge. The exhilaration from the actual separation from the part of her- the responsible, boring, predictable and weak part-began fading early in the morning. By the time she climbed into to truck next to Kiara, the feeling of being incomplete began worming its way under her skin, putting her on edge.

Whack! Her head hit the roof of the truck as Kiara drove into a deep pothole.

"Damn it! Kiara. Watch the potholes! My head hurts."

"Awwww, I'm so sorry, Sissy!" Kiara spat.

Rihanna rubbed her head and looked out the windshield. The truck was chugging its way up a small incline. As it neared the top, Rihanna got her first glimpse of the  house. As described by Kiara's, Ms. Ida's house was an old, giant, Victorian, ginger-bready type home in dire need of a paint job. The oak trees towered above the house, keeping it shaded pretty much all day and the bushes surrounding the house were huge, as if they were attempting to completely overtake the home. It all seemed very ordinary for an old house lived in by an old lady, except for a trace of black fog drifting low on the weed strewn grass of the lawn.

Rihanna shivered. For a brief moment, her anxiety level dropped and she felt euphoric. She wanted to leap out of the truck, plop down into the fog and roll around and around and around. But just as suddenly, the anxiety returned and she felt a little out of whack, like something wasn't right.

"Maybe Meanie Me is starting to realize that she can't thrive without all her parts." I thought. As I watched myself throughout the truck ride, I couldn't help but think about the welfare of my family should this Rihanna return home, or if she would even consider returning home. I could not fathom even Meanie Me purposefully hurting the children. More likely, she would disappear, abandoning the kids and Rico. I couldn't allow that to happen.

I wondered about her strange reaction when she noticed the fog. She had been radiating tension since we left Kiara's place, but once she caught sight of the fog, she seemed more relaxed. Kiara, though, who had been quiet during the trip, concentrating on hitting every pothole on the road, clenched the steering wheel and began to breathe deeply as if to keep herself under control. Two opposite reactions. 


The fog drifted across the yard, but stopped short of the porch steps. I noticed that as we made our way up the driveway the fog would roll and pitch its way toward the porch, but would then flip backward as if repelled by some force. A black, slow moving wave that never ceased in its effort conquer the porch steps and ultimately, I thought, Ms. Ida's house.


 The ebb and flow of the fog lulled me into a state of relaxation. Or at least that's how I felt, relaxed. I wasn't sure if a disembodied spirit could actually be relaxed. I started to think about my reaction to this whole episode. I didn't panic when the split first occurred. Neither did I feel defeated. I knew myself well enough to know that I had a "dark" side, but I knew on an instinctual level that my darker side was not evil. So what caused me to split into two separate parts?


I had been wallowing in a semi state of self pity for the last few months. The kids were older and didn't need me like they used too and Rico and I had adopted our roles as parents, forgetting that we used to revel in each other's touches. I felt sad, lonely and useless. I had become distracted by selfishness. Instead of delighting in the accomplishments of my children or the small things Rico would do for me, like bring me coffee in bed each morning, I focused on the realization that I was growing old and my way of life was going to change in a few short years.

I had let the devil into my thoughts and couldn't muster the strength to kick him out. Maybe that was the opening he needed to to lure my darker, supposedly more fun side, out. I had lost sight of God and forgotten my favorite verse, "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

I felt I was onto something, even though I still wasn't sure how the dark visitor fit into the whole scheme. At that moment, I was jerked out of my reverie when Rihanna gasped. Ms. Ida had just walked out onto her porch. She was a small, thin woman. She seemed very prim the way she stood, back straight, and hands clasped in front of her, hair pulled into a tight neat bun. Her eyes were vibrant, as green as you might imagine a field in Ireland might be after a spring rain. Her expression, though, could quell Ironman, Superman, Batman or any other man who might think to cross her wishes.

"Kiara!' she yelled. "My yard looks like hell and I want to know what you are going to do about it!"

Accentuate the Positive

It was Rihanna that had ruffled my hair. I felt it. The energy was familiar, safe. And I knew it was her. Rihanna was up there somewhere...floating around.

Cleo was self-involved with her fur, and Hank whined a couple more times, wagging his tail.

He was looking up in the far right corner of the room, and I assumed Rihanna was maybe there, peering down at me. A little weird, but OK.

Hank whoofed softly, took a deep breath, blew it out, circled around in the same spot three times, then threw himself on the floor and closed his eyes.

The thunder and lightening had moved on, leaving behind a steady pounding of rain. It was peaceful, with the noise of the rain hitting the back porch, and the dog and cat sleeping comfortably.

I didn't know what to think about Rihanna. In some way, it was as if she had an out-of-body experience, but her whole self had not left her body. And, what about the black, smoky spector at the top of the stairs. Was it all related?

The Rihanna that was physically present in her body was still Rihanna, but darker. She was being attacked by something, I had seen it myself in my own out-of-body experiences. I thought about the past few days, then back a few months.

For awhile, Rihanna had been depressed, bored, and just not very happy. She had talked some about needing excitement, and something new. Was it this negativity manifesting itself?

The Bible says that what you think becomes your reality. You are what you think, basically. And letting those thoughts become spoken words adds to their power, therefore bringing them to fruition. 

The positive to this is that if you think, and then speak, good things, then you will be blessed. The flipside to that is the negative - from tiny, supposedly inconsequential thoughts to those large, "I can't do anything" thoughts - that, once spoken, can bring a life of misery and failure.

It was Satan, wheedling his way into your brain, slowly poisoning your thoughts until you lose hope.

This had been the path Rihanna had been following for months, and I just hadn't seen it, or maybe acknowledged it for what it was. And now, the poisonous thoughts were manifesting and morphing her into something different, and not so nice.

And why was I so certain that Ms. Ida held answers? Shadows surrounded her house. It seemed to me that she was also under a concentrated spiritual attack. How would that help our situation?

Too much to digest right now. My body ached from my hog adventure, and my mind felt drained and muddied from dealing with the realities of spiritual warfare.

I suddenly felt a little better having acknowledged the fact this was warfare. It was in my best interest, and Rihanna's, to watch what I thought and spoke.

I laid back down. The bed jiggled as Hank jumped up. He settled himself next to me. I closed my eyes, and said another good night prayer, and pointedly turned off the light.



Hissing and commotion on the bed woke me up, and I nearly fell onto the floor. The animals had managed to move me completely to the edge of the mattress.

Early morning light peeked through the slats in the shades. The sun had not yet cleared the trees, but light had already given my bedroom a pale, light-blue glow.

I had a horrible headache, and my mouth was dry. It felt like a girls night out hangover, excluding the fun. I rolled off the bed, and went to the door.

"Come on, guys, time to go outside." Hank jumped off the bed and trotted outside. I had to crawl under the bed and grab Cleo, who had quickly hidden herself.

"You too, fat cat." I said, as I grabbed her and pulled her out. Cleo meowed and gave me a warning hiss, but it was all an act. We danced this routine almost every morning.

"Oh, sissy!" Rihanna sang at my door.

Ugh. I rolled my eyes. Really?

She knocked loudly, "Sissy, it's time to get up. The birds are chirping, and I am restless!"

I rolled off the bed and walked to the door. Hand on door knob, I took a deep breath and pulled the door open.

Rihanna took a step back, a look of fake shock on her face, "Sissy, you look terrible. Did you get any sleep last night?" She smiled sweetly and flitted towards the kitchen.

"Ick," I said, slamming my door closed. I looked over in the corner where Hank stared the night before. "I hope you are still around, Rihanna, because that witch out there is highly irritating."

I went to take a shower.

The smell of fresh coffee greeted me as I left my room. I didn't see Rihanna, so assumed she was either in her room or on the front porch.

I made myself a cup, and blinked in surprise at the taste. It was really good. Rihanna usually made weak coffee, and drank it black. This coffee tasted like the perfect balance between water and coffee grounds. It was smooth, without a bitter aftertaste.

A smiled. I had found an upside to the dark Rihanna. She could make a kick-ass cup of coffee.

I found her on the front porch. Her eyes flicked towards me as I approached, and she smiled a close-lipped, secretive smile. My personal joke about her coffee-making abilities vanished.

"Sleep well last night, Sissy?"

I pulled out a chair from under the table. It's metal feet scraped across the concrete. I winced out of habit. Steve used to berate me for scraping the concrete. After all, who would want to see scratch marks all over the porch? The thought made my heart hurt.

I sighed as I sat down, "I slept OK. How about you? I'm surprised your "new self" didn't turn to ashes when the sun hit you this morning."

Rihanna chuckled, "I was careful not to stay in it too long."

"We need to be at Ida's by at 10:00 this morning." I said.

Rihanna perked up, "Good. I can't wait." Her eyes glittered. For a split second I was reminded of a lizard, or a snake. The hair on my neck stood up.

"I don't like what you have become, Rihanna. This "new you"," I waved my hand in her direction, "is not appealing. You are not whole anymore, and I'm afraid the longer this lasts, the harder it will be to put you back together."

She leaned back in her chair, and took a sip of coffee. "Well, Kiara, maybe I don't want to be whole. That part of me that you like was weak and scared. I am so much better now."

"We'll see about that." I said. We finished our coffee in silence.

Restless

She sat in the room, lights off and listened to the sounds outside. She could hear them; snuffling, rutting, squealing. The hogs. Wild creatures taking over Kiara's property and the surrounding countryside. Free from the constraints of morality, responsibility and personal relationships. How she longed for that freedom. To do as she pleased and when she wanted. She felt electrified. The touch of cloth, wood, mattress, each sparking a jolt of energy that coursed from her nerves, through her body and ultimately to her brain. Barely contained energy she wanted to release, like the lightening that just cracked through the night, but was fighting to control. Not yet, she felt. Not yet. She has to see that woman. Ms. Ida. Something about that name pushed at the edge of memory. As she lay back on the bed and closed her eyes, she smiled and thought, "At least I don't have to watch her flitting around my head." Her weakness had gone to attempt contact with Kiara. Rihanna smiled. "Good luck!"

I cruised back and forth over Kiara's head. "Kiara! Kiara! KIARA!" I yelled louder each time I said her name but she couldn't hear me, only a "buzzing noise." Sissy, why does she, I , me...whatever, keep calling Kiara sissy? Most likely to sound tough and confident, if I know myself, which at this point I wasn't too sure if I did.

I believe the Meanie Me (thanks Austin Powers) hit the nail on the head with the Star Wars reference. This situation was far more Dark Side then possession. I know Kiara knew I was present. I floated after her as she stomped to her room, cat and dog in tow. Cat! That's it. I'll get Kiara's attention through the cat. If I know my pop culture, some people believe that cats can see human auras and the psychic energy that surrounds them. Maybe Cleo would "see" me and alert Kiara with a hiss or meow.

I buzzed Cleo's head. Nothing. I buzzed her again and she just turned her head and ignored me. Typical. The third time, I screamed as I buzzed her, causing the cat to leap in the air, subsequently landing on the bed and yowling up at me. Kiara spun around and yelled, "What the freaking hell!"

Eureka! In response, I reached out and grazed her hair with the tips of my fingers. Her hair fluttered slightly. She smoothed her hair back down and looked in the air around her.

Hank was whining, but Cleo had grown bored and begun to lick herself.

"Who is that?" Kiara asked. She bit her lip thoughtfully, "Rihanna, is that you?"

It was a simple question, full of hope. Gleeful, I messed her hair again, this time with both hands.  Her acknowledgement of me seemed to give me more substance.

"Hang tight, Rihanna. I really feel that Ms. Ida, or her house, is the key. However, I think I might have to call The Mother (our pet name for our mom) and get her opinion. She may have some new agey way of reuniting yourselves." Kiara sighed. "I am so tired."

She looked tired. Her eyes were red and her shoulders slumped and I knew that I was to blame. My desire to be free from responsibility and to be able to just have a good time had become such an obsession that it consumed me.

That desire manifested itself as my dark alter ego. Somehow, my dark alter ego grew strong enough to evict my good parts. If we didn't figure something out soon, I didn't know if my good side would be capable of reuniting with my dark side. If I am not able to pull myself together, I will be forced to lead this split existence until the day I die. And then what will happen?

The Dark Side, It Is

I looked over at Rihanna as she finished singing that stupid "little girl with a curl" song. She had a strange expression on her face. The way her head was tilted, the lamp over the chair threw a shadow over half of it. Maybe it was just the way the shadow fell on her face, but somehow her eyes had gotten a mean glint to them.

The hair on the back of my neck stood up. I became aware of a buzzing noise right above me. I waved my hand, thinking it was a fly, but it wouldn't stop. I looked up quickly to see what it could be, but there was nothing flying around my head.

Rihanna laughed softly, like someone might laugh that knew a secret that could hurt you. I looked back at her, still trying to figure out where the buzzing noise was coming from.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked.

Rihanna leaned back, stretching her back over the chair. "Nothing, why?" Her back was lightly arched, almost a pose. It was a seductive move, as if she was hinting at further things to come.

She took a deep breath and sank down into the chair, looking at me with slightly closed eyes. They seemed darker, not as green as usual.

Adrenalin forced its way through my body. I could feel my eyes dilate, as they focused instictively on a perceived danger. I tried to act normal. I got up and shimmied past her to the kitchen, hoping she wouldn't reach out and touch me.

Rihanna dropped her head against the chair's arm and followed me with her eyes. "What's wrong, sissy? Scared of something?"

I put my plate down. The buzzing sound had become fainter, but it was still there, gnawing at my consciousness. My initial fear had subsided once I moved into the kitchen. I could still see her, looking at me with a smirk on her face.

The fear, I realized, was being replaced by annoyance. I busied myself with cleaning the kitchen. I needed some time to think.

The last thing we had talked about was devil possession and conjuring something from our darker sides. I had never seen someone possessed by the devil, but I somehow knew that what had just happened wasn't it. So, it must have something to do with us, and our dark sides.

"Whatcha thinkin' bout, sissy?" Rihanna said, a teasing note to her voice. The kind of teasing note that often precedes violence.

She got up and walked to the bar, which was built in front of the kitchen sink. She leaned on it and gave me a grin.

"The 'sissy' thing has to stop now." I said, meeting her eyes and holding them, "and what I'm thinking about is whether or not you are possessed by the devil, or you have gone over to the dark side."

Rihanna's grin dropped and she backed off from the bar.

"So, tell me how this is supposed to play out, sissy. Is it The Exorcist, or Star Wars?"

I wrang out the dish rag, turned off the water, and crossed my arms. My hands were still wet, but I didn't care.

The buzzing was back and much louder. Rihanna seemed to notice it. She looked up and smiled.

"What is it?" I asked, "What's that noise?"

Rihanna looked back at me and shrugged. "I guess you could call it my weakness."

"Your weakness?" A jolt of clarity hit me. I looked up, hoping to see some sign of what Rihanna could see, but it was useless.

"Say hello to the new me, Kiara!" Rihanna threw her arms wide and turned in a circle, laughing. She stopped and gazed at me, head cocked to the side, that same smile on her lips.

"I believe we have an appointment with your Ms. Ida tomorrow, do we not?" She came back to the bar, and leaned on it. In a whisper, she said, "Get some sleep, sissy, we have a date with destiny tomorrow."

She pushed away from the bar and skipped to the guest room. "Ta ta for now, sissy! Sleep tight!"

The door slammed shut behind her. "Stop calling me "sissy"!" I yelled.

I stood there in the kitchen, breathing heavily, not knowing what to do.

The idea of sleeping in the same house with the "new Rihanna", and a ghostly spector did not appeal to me.

Cleo materialized at my feet, meowing and rubbing herself on my legs. I heard Hank scratching at the door. "Puss, you and Hank are keeping me company tonight."

I picked Cleo up. She conformed herself to my arm and let me carry her to the door. I let Hank in, and all three of us went to my room. The buzzing was back, louder than it had been. It was comforting, and I felt as long as that sound continued, I had hope things would be ok.

I also figured that as long as the animals acted normal, all was good. However, I laid on my bed fully clothed, with the light on.

As if on cue, the storm broke. A peal of thunder shook the house, followed quickly by lightening. I heard Rihanna laughing and yell, "Woo hoo! Bring it on!"

"Dear Jesus, please protect this house, and please help my sister." I prayed and tried to imagine myself clothed in God's armor.

Dozing Out of Body

I had to suppress a giggle when Cleo slipped off the couch and landed on her side. You can always tell by the look on their faces that cats are humiliated when they fall because kitties always land on their feet and never slip by accident. In what seemed like a very human way of regaining her dignity, she quickly righted herself and trotted off into the kitchen to eat.

As I watched her, the giggle threatened to turn into hysterical laughter, so I took a deep breath, held it a moment, exhaled, then chugged my second beer. The rush came quickly and the hysterics subsided. I stood up, walked to the cooler and grabbed another beer. The lime was gone, so I grabbed one out of the fruit bowl Kiara keeps on the counter and sliced it into four pieces. As I was squeezing the lime through the mouth of the bottle, I paced behind the couch where Kiara sat flipping through channels.

By now, I had a pretty good buzz going. I wasn't thinking any important thoughts and the tension was beginning to subside, just a little. I sat down in the comfy pillow encased chair adjacent to the couch and closed my eyes. I felt safe for the moment so I allowed myself to drift off. I was so tired. I hadn't slept well in two days and the fatigue had finally caught up with me. It was a wonder I was thinking straight at all.

"An extension of our darker sides," is what I had said. What if? Everyone has a darker side to their personality. We are taught from childhood to suppress those darker less civilized urges and instead focus on goodness, kindness and love. Most of us learn early the difference between right and wrong. As Christians, we're taught Jesus is the way, the truth, the light.

Satan, though, is always prowling around the edge of our consciousness. And he's tricky. Constantly tempting. He knows how easily we can be lead away from the light. The question is, are Kiara and I being lead by the devil, or are we giving into our own subconscious urges to do something....bad?

I had become so relaxed. I felt like I was floating, no longer tethered to my body, free from any earthly restraints. How easy would it be to just let go? Leave my ordinary life behind and become someone new and different. I felt a tug. I resisted it, enjoying the sensation of weightlessness. I felt another tug, harder this time. I opened my eyes. I panicked.  I was looking down at myself lying supine in the comfy chair. My spirit was separated from my body.

Worse yet, a dark mass was hovering over my body, pulsating, like it was keeping time with my heart beat. I had to get back inside. I yelled for Kiara, but got no response. She couldn't hear me. As my panic grew, my heart beat faster. The mass, keeping time with my heartbeat, undulated and seemed to grow darker. I had to calm down. I glanced at Kiara. What would happen to her if I was unable to reconnect myself?

Suddenly, I looked up.

I had absorbed the darkness. As my spirit weakened, my mind reached out to me, looking at me through my hazel eyes that now gleamed mischievously. I smiled and saluted myself. As my spirit began to fade, I heard myself whisper, "Say hello to the new you, Rihanna."

Helplessly, I watched as my head turned away from me and looked at Kiara. Rihanna began to sing, "There was a little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead. And when she was good she was very, very good, but when she was bad she was horrrriiiid."